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 Post subject: mental hospital jokes
PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2012 8:37 pm 
Cromo Burner

Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2011 6:09 pm
Posts: 2094
Location: portadown, northern ireland
A nurse walks into a room and sees a patient pretending he's driving a Truck, with his hands at 10 to 2.
The nurse asks him, 'Vinny'! What are you doing?' Vinny replies, 'Can't Talk right now I'm driving to LA !'
The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.
The next day the nurse enters Vinny's room just as he stops driving his imaginary truck and she asks, 'Well Vinny , how was your trip?'
Vinny says, 'I'm exhausted, I just got into LA and I need some rest.
'That's great,' replied the nurse, 'I'm glad you had a safe trip.
The nurse leaves Vinny's room and then goes across the hall into another patients' room and finds Davo sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously.
Shocked, she shouts, 'Davo what are you doing ??'
To which Davo replies, Shhh, I'm shagging Vinny's wife while he's in LA !


Pete and Jenny were long time patients at the mental institution, they had formed a relationship.
They were walking past the pond, Pete fell in and sank, Jenny, with no thought for her own safety, dived to the bottom of the pool and rescued him, she also gave him the kiss of life.
A few days later Jenny was summomed before the board of the hospital and was told that seeing how she had the sense to dive in to rescue Pete she could not be classed as insane, she was going home the day after.
When the nurse was helping her pack, she gave Jenny the bad news..........After you had rescued Pete, he was foubd in the hospital ward, dead, hanging from a beam !
Jenny replied, "yes, I hung him up to dry,can I go home now ?



A Mental Hospital
After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.

"Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

Mental Hospital Phone Menu
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mothership.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are manic- bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep.
Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2012 8:40 pm 
Cromo Burner

Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2011 6:09 pm
Posts: 2094
Location: portadown, northern ireland
cant edit for some reason?
last line should be at end of 2nd joke :oops:


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PostPosted: Sat May 12, 2012 2:08 pm 
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Tuff Burner

Joined: Sat Apr 07, 2012 6:41 pm
Posts: 138
:lol: :lol: :lol: :!:


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